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Fast Company: Unemployment Changes Your Personality

David Lumb, writing for Fast Company, outlines some recent research that shows that unemployment for a year or longer can actually cause an individual to have a souring personality.

YOUR LINK

The key comment:

“Over time, the unemployed men and women saw decreases in their levels of agreeableness, openness, and conscientiousness—all traits that could affect how well a person performs during a job interview.”

So, being unemployed is not only heartbreaking, it’s mindbending…and the bending accumulates.

The real question that should be researched is, however, the impact on personality that being employed in a bad situation has on personality.

Money talks, but I’m betting that people who go to work unhappy are just as bent as people who have to stay home unhappy.

Your thoughts?

 

The Leadership Trait Nobody Talks About…

Rediscover grace as a part of your leadership approach…and look for it in others’.

 

 

What’s a fundamental difference between a professional whose career is summed up as “noble leader” and one whose career can be summarized as “tyrant?”

Grace.

For those of us who believe in a constrained view of the world…one where actions have consequences and consequences are real things; the concept of grace can be a hard one.

Grace, put simply, is unmerited favor. It’s something for nothing.

Just where exactly, you might ask, does that belong in business?

I have spent my career driving performance on investment returns, growth, cost, and productivity. I’m a consistent proponent of competitive intensity, performance and professionalism. These things are fundamental to success in the for-profit world.

So, isn’t it impossible to build “grace” into a culture of performance? Isn’t “performance” supposed to be a maximum Net Present Value, no-holds-barred, social Darwinist drive for the greatest efficiency possible, TODAY, grace be damned?

In short? No.

The most mature performance cultures build grace into their models of leadership because they also build risk taking into it. The latter cannot be sustained without the former. A performance culture that pillories its unsuccessful risk takers will eventually have no risk takers left. Such is the reality of incentives.

Because we as leaders in our organizations, churches, and communities, have power; we must understand and remember the notion of grace and how it relates to performance and value creation.

We’ve all received the benefit of grace from leadership or fellowship at some point in our lives, whether we acknowledge it or not:

  • Maybe it was that time when you got sick and were able to turn in your term paper late, saving you that last few credits for graduation.
  • Maybe it was the time you flubbed the numbers on the project justification, should have been reprimanded, but were coached instead.
  • Maybe it was the time your husband sat quietly while you bitterly criticized him.
  • Or, when you tapped your car into another in a parking lot and the old guy whose car you hit just smiles and says “no harm, no foul.”
  • Perhaps it was when one of your direct reports at work forgave you–fully–for a stress-laden tirade where your “f-bombs” flowed freely, you threw things, and perhaps kicked a wall or two.
  • Or, when your best friend pretended not to notice when you said something really awful to his girlfriend over a petty issue.
  • Perhaps–and this one hits close to home for me–you once got into the game before you were really good enough to merit it.
  • Finally, it might be the many thousands of instances of grace that reside in your blind spots–the grace extended to you when you didn’t know you needed it extended. That time you talked for half an hour about yourself and your hobbies and everybody listened to you without telling you what a boor you were comes to mind.

Reflecting on instances like these can make you a better leader; and let’s be honest, a better citizen.

Most people keep some sort of reciprocal account in their heads for the moments of grace they have been fortunate to receive. I find that I’m at my most thankful when I reflect on them (and no, not all of those listed above are mine). However, some among us keep a reciprocal account for the opposite of grace–the perceived slights or moment of disobedience we experience from people who know better than to cross us.

That account is what leads to vindictiveness. That account leads to personal pain. It leads to the inability to forge deep relationships because people constantly seek to avoid your glare and blame.

These two accounts are branches of the same roots of rational and emotional realities. Debits and credits of the brain–a commitment to reciprocity–are basically a part of our being communal animals. They lead us down two paths as leaders.

We are graceful, or we are vindictive.

We are the sheepdog, or we are the wolf.

One of us sees the world around us as worth saving and growing. This one sees performance as a prerequisite for success and drives it, but with a code of dignity and grace.

The other harbors the innate contempt that the predator has for the sheep.

In real life, people you know are representative of both personalities. It’s up to you and me to figure out who among us is leading in order to protect, grow, and edify; and who is leading in order to devour.

It’s also up to you and me to establish a code that gives a head nod to grace and therefore to risk taking.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the figurative sheepdogs from the figurative wolves. Both are beautiful animals. Both are also capable of immense, violent action at the moment of provocation. There is no net-present performance advantage to being a wolf–don’t let anyone tell you differently. Still, if you look for visible signs of grace–not favor for people who are “useful” but rather true, unmerited favor…you will know the difference.

A final thought: A common meme in our western business culture is that “there is no loyalty anymore.”

Loyalty is the followership equivalent of leadership grace.

Perhaps followers no longer see enough grace from their leaders to merit loyalty in abundance.

In other words, perhaps you see no loyalty because they see no grace.

Perhaps its time to start talking about grace in leadership again.

Geoff Wilson appreciates the grace he has received, especially for the stress-laden tirade.

Get a Grip and Let Go

Just what, exactly, is all that control doing for you?

 

 

Insights are everywhere.

On October 18th, I accompanied my 9-year old daughter to a birthday party for a younger cousin.

We had a fantastic time. During the party, the kids, both the younger ones and the older ones, were playing with (helium) balloons.

When it came time to leave, my daughter–an artistic, free spirit with a penchant for unique insights–walked outside of the home, balloon held firmly by the ribbon in her hand, before everyone else.

I watched her look to the sky, slowly release her balloon, and watch it with a big smile on her face as it floated away into the evening sky.

Many, many of instances of an unfettered balloon have led to tears in my family (no, not from 9 year-olds, but still).

I stepped outside and said to her: “Oh, no! You lost your balloon.”

Her response? “No, I let it go.”

Me: “Why?”

Her: “Because I like to watch them fly away.”

I was so impressed.

She gained happiness from releasing a balloon that she could have otherwise kept tethered as it lost its buoyancy without ever reaching greater heights. And, guess what? 2 other kids that walked out at that moment let theirs go after hearing her explanation.

It was contagious, and fun.

That moment was a reminder to me of an important leadership concept that I have learned and mentioned to groups over time: The concept of leading with an open hand. Letting go of ground level control in order to allow talent to find its own level in anticipation of greater things.

Management gurus talk about openness, collaboration, encouraging autonomy, and empowerment all the time. All of these are easy, fun words to throw around. Even the worst leaders I’ve encountered believe in these words as management tools.

It’s the actions behind these words that are hard.

Why?

They are hard because your own early leadership development (in your early career, parenting, or otherwise) depended on skills that actually become success inhibitors the more you and your children, employees, or other influencees progress.

Maturing as a parental or organizational leader of any sort means that:

  • You go from directing your children (iron fist, velvet glove) to influencing them.
  • You go from managing people (plan and do) to leading them (check and adjust).
  • You go from a problem solving approach that revolves around telling the process and answer to one that revolves around asking the right questions and motivating people.
  • You go from a resource deployment approach that is essentially a zero ambiguity, zero sum budgeting and directing process to one that is more about allocating, iterating, and “growing the pie.”
  • You go from a people development approach that revolves around “your” people to one that revolves around “their” careers.

All of these are examples of moving from a closed handed approach (tight control, turf, ownership, and direction) to an open handed one (guiding, influencing, motivating, cultivating, and freeing).

Figuring this out just might be the difference between admirable management success and true executive competence.

Some never do figure it out; and it shows.

So what?

Be willing to release your people, your agendas, and your resources in order to stretch and test them. It might bring you satisfaction beyond what control ever could.

After all, a balloon tethered to the ground is impressive; but not nearly as impressive as one surfing the wind.

If you love something, set it free. Let things go to see if they grow. You can regain control, but you might never find out what is possible if you don’t merely set expectations and then allow the slack for your people to explore, learn, and grow.

You might unlock more joy and success, not to mention trust and confidence, in the process.

And, it might be contagious.

Geoff Wilson hopes that his children grow up with an understanding of how much they have inspired him.